To Kill a Mockingbird? Go read a watchman...

Warning - this blog has spoilers for To Kill a Mockingbird,  Go Set a Watchman, a rubbish Spider-man story from 1994, a ridiculous version of Batman and the ending to the Man of Steel (2013)


I have been keeping abreast of the developments surrounding Harper Lee's much discussed 'sequel' for 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and I have been struggling to come to terms with the situation in regards of what it means to me and for Atticus fans everywhere.

Firstly, a confession:  I have only recently read To Kill  Mockingbird within the last six months so for me it's not something I have carried with me for a vast portion of my life.  That said, the impact of the book upon me was nothing short of profound.  For me the greatest part of the book is down to one character - Atticus Finch.  Taken from the perspective of when the book was written and the subject that carries the narrative forward I found myself impressed that he seemed to be not just a moral man with principles but probably one of the all-time great fathers in literature that I have encountered. If you need a quick refresher or a brief introduction to the mans wisdom and character- it's worth checking this page. He is a small town Lawyer in 1930's Alabama who defends Tom Robinson, a young black man wrongfully accused of raping a white girl.

"I put everything I had into it – all my feelings and everything I'd learned in 46 years of living, about family life and fathers and children. And my feelings about racial justice and inequality and opportunity".

Gregory Peck on playing Atticus.

From the the vast swathes of reports flooding in from various media we are now drenched with the knowledge that Atticus may not have been the progressive, understanding and honourable gentleman that we were given in Mockingbird but one tarnished with a more unsavoury view on race. It's hard to see how quotes from the new book like 'Do you want your children going to a school that’s been dragged down to accommodate Negro children?' can be viewed as anything but racist no matter the context. This and the fact that he joins a branch of Ku Klux Klan have caused general outcry as well as chilled my soul somewhat.


I now stand on the precipice of a monumental personal decision - do I read the new book, 'Go Set a Watchman' and have my view of this model father potentially tainted forever more (let's face it, a third book is a nigh on impossibility) or do I close my senses off from it, look at the decidedly suspect situation in which the book was found then released and let 'my' Atticus remain unspoiled?

I found the 'original' Atticus an inspiration and a fantastic figure to aspire to. In this day and age any motivation for betterment of ones self can only be a good thing, regardless of where the source comes from.  I always find myself wanting to cover all the angles and each side of every argument but I'm not sure that my personal feelings towards besmirching such an epitome of patriarchal virtue will allow me to do so this time.


As an avid comic fan and general geek I have seen this kind of thing before.  Over the many years there have been decisions with exceedingly well loved characters that have warped the essence of who they are and what they stand for for a myriad of reasons.  Usually the reasons for such strange moments are simple - shock and awe tactics to boost sales and create a buzz about the character.  The one good part about comics on a whole is that invariably, after a time, common sense prevails and things are reset (or to use the correct terminology 'retconned') back to the regular status quo.

It's these moments of madness where a character does something so unfitting to what has previously been established that it actually destroys part of what that character stands for and the true meaning behind their legends.

Among such gems are:

Spider-man (Peter Parker - Spoiler!) using the proportionate strength and speed of a spider to beat his wife, Mary Jane.

Want to know what makes this even more ludicrous? She's actually pregnant here as well.  Class act and the 'Spwat' is just the sound of his last vestige of honour being slapped out of of the window. Along with his unborn baby girl.

Frank Millers 'All Star Batman & Robin' was a new (extra, super, mega) gritty take on the dynamic duo but had Batman actually kill people and pretty much psychologically torture his ward, Robin.This is before Batman won't give Robin any food and suggests he eats the rats in the Batcave... I kid you not.

Batman seems to be believing his own hype train... What a Batdouche.

Proving that strange decisions affecting heroes isn't confined to comics, Zack Snyders 'Man of Steel' Film had this very controversial finish with the main man snapping the bad dude Zod's neck much to the incredulity of fanboys everywhere. Er, more spoilers!

What's that Zod?  Kal-El proving a pain in your neck... I'll get my coat...

Other questionable moments include:

• Superman makes a porno
• Wonder Woman's race of Amazons takes to getting pregnant by sailors, then killing them. Not so much blurring the lines between Feminism and Misandry but obliterating them. Girl Power to the max - take note for the reunion, Spice Girls. 

Now there may be an argument to say that flaws add to character and that by showing the warts and all of otherwise 'ideal' characters it allows development. I agree to an extent but it does depend on the character.  I don't think there are any problems with having a few ultimate examples to aspire to.  I have previously blogged about asking myself 'what would Optimus Prime do?' In recent moments of personal reflection I have also posed 'what would Atticus do' too?  In some ways this has provided me with a good alternative since Prime has a tendency to be physically awesome and imposing, jumping out of spacecrafts, off buildings and bringing a level of smack-down to the forces of evil throughout the universe that as a modern day regular human I struggle to live up too.  Atticus gives me a slightly more realistic benchmark for day-to-day issues that don't involve planets getting eaten or arguments being settled with Ion Blasters or Energy Axes. Atticus provides someone noble, selfless and open minded who shows courage in not following the crowd and standing up for what he believes in. How could you not want to emulate that?  To be smart, strong, understanding and compassionate - why would I want that aspiration tarnished?

It appears that I am not the only person to think this and the entire situation including the dubious nature of the manuscripts publication is discussed excellently here in the Irish Times.

I would imagine that the need for having to keep Atticus on that pedestal will prevent me from reading Go Set A Watchman and I openly apologise if that in itself is something, ironically that Atticus himself wouldn't do.  As it stands I can believe that this new book is an alternate timeline, one that happened in a different reality to the steadfast, uplifting character that I found so engaging. That way I can accept it's existence without the completionist and collector in me feeling I have to read it. 

If I need tragic, fallen idols I'm sure I can make do with the vast number that populate the actual world around me.  I'd rather do without having to tear apart or dismantle the very few whose characters shine like beacons amidst the moral sea of murky greys.

I should make it clear that I am still interested in this situation and look forward to hearing what others think of the book and the developments of how it has come to light.  I'm sure that there may be room for both versions of this man. I'm just intent on holding on to something that has become quite dear to me in a very short period of time. I'm going to stick with my Atticus for now.

5 Minute Nerdgasm

Is it my imagination or has been no finer time than right now to be a  geek or nerd? As I was growing up there was always a certain stigma attached to having a little bit too much of an interest in particular subjects. I'm trying to wrack my brains to remember what the 'cool' kids were into. At school, they played football (that's 'Soccer' to our North American friends) and hung out around benches in the playground and in the high street.  Still not sure on that one,  if I'm honest. Does a bench make you cooler? They never even sat on down on them... maybe that's why they were so cool? They had a bench but never used it. They just all stood around, shirts untucked looking distastefully at all and sundry.

I've never totally understood where I fit in, and at the early part of secondary school I hadn't worked out that I didn't give a shit about that fact.  I was big, strong and fast and enjoyed playing sports but I had secrets. Awful, terrible secrets. I loved reading comics, playing computer games and listening to a wide range of alternative music.  That sentence seems crazy now. Comics are huge, with the spread into full mainstream media they are the base for some of the biggest forms of entertainment and the most popular films in the world.  The gaming industry has been elevated to the largest economic source of entertainment and has been fully embraced by most as part of the fabric of society. The debate of 'games as art' still rages and gaming channels and Esport on the internet are massive.

Yet back when I was growing up it still felt that you had to hide certain sides of this if you were pertaining to be cool (which I'm not sure I ever did,  let alone achieved.)  I can however imagine the derision if I'd confessed at 14 years old how I was still in love with the idea of giant talking robots or secretly wished I was going grow up to be Tony Stark (okay, so maybe I didn't want to be an abusive drunk, but I'd have taken any superhero who's tights would fit - let's settle for 90's pin up Gambit).

Drunk Iron Man...                                or            Gambit aka 'Captain Abs'

I remember the chaos, the bedlam, the outrage I caused on a school trip when I dared pass up a cassette of a favourite band of mine to the front of the bus. You would have thought I had sneaked the sounds of burning kittens being stomped on with the frenetic fury I caused. I think the coach load of cool kids only stomached half of 'Give it Away' by a little known group called The Red Hot Chili Peppers (Blood Sugar Sex Magic) before the cassette was literally flung back at me. Strangely enough it must have been a teacher who lobbed it back at my head since we know all the cool kids have to sit at the back of the bus. All thirty eight of them wedged into the five seats at the back like a bunch of awesome sardines. With their shirts untucked. The only way they would have been cooler is if they'd somehow got that bench in there.

Nope, I still don't get it...

In retrospect being a nerd these days is more about having exceptional knowledge or enthusiasm for a particular subject as opposed to what that actual subject is. Whether it be Harry Potter or the Twilight series, fans accept the label 'nerd' or 'geek' proudly.

If you are being kind enough to read this just think of yourself for a minute. Has there been an instance where you've kept a hobby or an interest a secret because of what it was?

Does this help?

My name is Alex Andrews, and I was a tabletop gamer. I used to collect and paint Warhammer miniatures. I still would if I had the time to make the most of it. I also have a massive Dungeons and Dragons-esque board game 'Descent' that no one will play with me. I have encyclopedic knowledge of the entire Marvel universe, I have the complete collection of the Dragonball Z Manga (as well as countless others) and a toy collection (still mint on card, of course) that would make the 40 Year Old Virgin blush with embarrassment.  On top of this I have managed to flirt with a number of other Nerd topics (I'm even giving it it's own capital letter now) such as I understand the danger of wearing a red shirt on an away missions, that muggles will never understand us, I know Jon Snow knows nothing and that all your base are belong to us. That last sentence is meant to read like that - I promise. I do confess that I haven't got my head round it all and never expect to, there just isn't enough wibbly wobbly, timey wimey for that.

I'm actually rather enjoying the fact that so much uncool stuff is now cool and it could be argued that Nerd and Geek-chic have now been absorbed into popular culture to such a degree that the whole terminology has been turned on it's head.  

It's actually tougher to be a nerd now because what was once a hobby that caused social segregation is now everyone's hobby. Of course there will always be the hardcore few that will read this and decry me as not a real Nerd which is probably true to a point. Maybe I'm a 'jack of all nerds' - I love a good Geek out session on all sorts, from cult films, obscure games and different musical tastes but I acknowledge that I'm small time compared to some. I've gone to Film and Comic-cons but never dressed up as Princess Leia  (now there's a thought), I can talk to girls but think being married by guy dressed as He-Man is a step too far. Getting married to a guy dressed as He-Man, well - long as the Leia costume thing pans out, who knows?

While doing a little research on this it did confirm a hierarchy of sorts, there is a cracking flow chart below that it doing the rounds on the internet, check it out below and see where you stand. 

So in summary, I am now very proud to consider myself somewhat of a nerd.  I would love to think that in my ways I have been somewhat of a trend setter, able to make things 'cool' by sheer perseverance and my own magnetism.  The truth I think is more the case of me just being so stuck in my ways there was bound to be a time when the things I was into came around as being trendy.  In the same manner as my father never changed his style of hair, always saying that fashion will come around and it will be trendy again.  I laughed at him for years for that but technically the Beatles then Oasis proved his point eventually.

An instance of the more things change, the more they stay the same.

It often heartens me to see the passion and love displayed in pursuit of being fully immersed in peoples chosen field of  geek.  I'm sure the internet has been an overriding factor in this, allowing people who might have been cultural/interest islands previously to join together and form bigger co-joined states (Continents, to expand the metaphor, maybe?) in which the strength in numbers gives legitimacy. The validity has always been there, perhaps it was simply harder to see before the dawn of the digital age literally put everyone on the same page?

Of course, I understand that this is just one mans perspective through the narrow course of his own timeline and life. I'm sure that this is not the case for everyone but I think most people would agree that there has been a lot of progression in this direction.  It does leave me at a little bit of a loss though: Is there anything left out that people feel the burning need to keep undisclosed? I should maybe add a disclaimer that I'm not talking about true deviancy (put the goat, the carrot and the desk-lamp down and back away from the garlic sauce) but has the actual scope of Nerdism (yeah, lets make that an actual word) grown so large it accommodates everything that once was niche or is there still a perceived stigma on some levels? Conversely, what of those self styled cool kids I knew at school? Do they remember or recognise the change in patterns or is it something as simple as changing themselves so as just to fit in and remain trendy? Would they be happy with being labelled a geek or nerd now? Football may be as popular as ever but it's still not something one would associate with 'Nerding' out to. In actual fact there a plenty of other names and labels applied to fanatical football supporters and I would go out of my way to distance myself from from the majority of them.

Being a geek and an X-men fan I also wondered if there should be a way of describing the Nerd and Geek culture as an offshoot of mankind like mutants were referred to as Homo Superior as opposed to Homo Sapiens (Man the wise). The best I could come up with was Homo Exterus which (dodgy translation aside) should mean Man the Outsider. Have I just created a whole new level, looking to create a Nerd name for the Geeks? If so then I am proud of the monster I have become.  

I look forward to seeing where the evolution of nerd/geek/popular culture takes us and I am sincerely relieved to see that the segregation and isolation because of an enthusiastic interest is becoming less and less. Let's not forget our roots though, I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who have suffered for their devotion. Think of all the Atomic Wedgies that have been taken in the name of Nerdom. 

Thank you for your sacrifice, long may the up rise continue.

This actually happened.

Blogatron vs Women in Video Games

While deciding on what topic to mouth off on next I decided to keep things relatively relevant and combine two things together - one subject that I know quite a bit about... the other it can be argued I know nothing of. At least if you look at it from the perspective that knowing something and understanding it can be completely different. 

The subject I know about is Video games (specifically their history and how to play them - how they are created is obviously by magic), the other: Women. 

It has been a recent, often hotly debated topic about women's roles in video games and I just wanted felt the need to expunge my thoughts on the matter.  Firstly, a little perspective I feel is needed - I want to hold my hand up and say that even at my ripe old age I am still willing to admit I am learning. I have a reputation among friends and acquaintances for having a certain level of vocabulary and understanding of English which makes this confession all the more straining. It was literally only the other day I actually found out what the word 'Feminism' meant: 

'The advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.' 

It turns out that my entire upbringing and education had somehow replaced the true definition with that of Misandry: 

'Dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e. the male sex).' 

A rather shocking and embarrassing misunderstanding on my part admittedly but one I am happy to share. The reason I add this is so that you are aware that this blog is written from a point of view of a man who didn't think much of the label 'feminist' prior to the previous months but now appreciates it is a term that actually encapsulates most of his beliefs. 

Over the last year there have been a number of flashpoints that have seen this topic explode in the news, from Gamergate where allegations were made of a female game developer, Zoe Quinn having an affair with a Journalist from a prominent gaming website prompting better scores for her game. Leading on from that has been the extreme reaction to Anita Sarkeesian and her features on Tropes vs Women in video games where she discusses certain apparent stereotyping. This blog isn't on these individual cases but if you have the time and inclination, it is well worth checking them out. The level of pure hatred and animosity directed at these two women is nothing short of spectacular, in the worst conceivable way: 

'You have 24 hours to cancel Sarkeesian’s talk … Anita Sarkeesian is everything wrong with the feminist woman, and she is going to die screaming like the craven little whore that she is if you let her come to USU. I will write my manifesto in her spilled blood, and you will all bear witness to what feminist lies and poison have done to the men of America.' 

One of many threats made in regards to Sarkeesians scheduled talks at Utah State University. 

I'm certain I could run out of internet writing about all that is wrong with that. The whole case is rather savage and also borders on the ridiculous with the talks being cancelled because Utah State University was not able to guarantee Sarkeesians safety since they are not allowed to search people for concealed guns if they have a permit in accordance to state laws. Just let me clarify; they get threats like this:

“I have at my disposal a semi-automatic rifle, multiple pistols, and a collection of pipe bombs,” the letter said. “This will be the deadliest school shooting in American history and I’m giving you a chance to stop it.” 

And they couldn't make any adjustments or offer any protection (in a place of learning) because of the law...

That's a whole other blog for another time...

I’d now like to flip things a little and talk about my views which hopefully will lead to a little more lightheartedness. 

I am both slightly proud and embarrassed to classify myself as old-time gamer. That is to say I have actually played the original version of Pong, witnessed the spectacle of the Sinclair Spectrum firsthand (I had a +3 because Cassettes were for dinosaurs!), sat on the fence while Sega and Nintendo played the beat-your-neighbour-out of-doors and followed emergence of Sony and Microsoft and their rise to dominance as the gamers choice of consoles in more recent generations. So called exponents of the PC 'Master-Race' sit down - I find that chosen nick-name abhorrent. I've done my fair share of computer gaming and still can't look at a PC game without shuddering and breaking out in cold sweat. If you spent half your teenage years trying to configure your sound card you will understand. 

Looking back at those many years of gaming I can honestly say that historically it hasn't referenced women in a particularly wonderful way. In the early days games just seemed to miss women out completely. I pride myself on my memory and can only think of one original game pre-Sega Megadrive that featured women in it (the rather contrived 'Mrs Pacman'). This isn't something I see as misogynistic - I think there were probably quantifiable reasons for it. Gaming was in it's infancy, relatively niche and seen very much as 'nerd culture.' It was a hobby boys did in there room, usually on their own and kept quiet about. Sound like anything else? 

 Seriously - this was a genuine Sega Advert! And not the worst one by a mile!

People were a little ashamed and rarely confessed themselves to be gaming geeks. The introduction of licensed games further focused on male specifics - Robocop, Back to the Future, Ghostbusters etc can all be argued were aimed squarely at the blokes out there - I'm sure Freudian followers would have something to say about the 'Busters Proton wands being waved around and 'Crossing the streams' but I can safely say I watched it for the spirit (pun intended) it invoked and my love of the cast, not my love of pseudo metaphysical dick. 

So it appears it was a barren wasteland for women in Videogames, with most appearances being relegated to the focus (Sarkeesian would possibly argue 'object') of quests.  They were the primary reason for the protagonist to head off and beat up monsters, gangs, monstrous gangs and even gods. Not exactly engrained, intricate character development but technically still integral to the plot.  Or, just an excuse to beat up those pesky monsters and gangs?  Tomb Raider introduced us to our first, fully fleshed out female protagonist in the form/shape/polygons of Lara Croft.  She was a capable, likeable character but in the early days what was the standout memory of her?  The fact that the gaming world seemingly went crazy trying to input cheat codes to get her in the buff! So the gaming world did want a strong female protagonist to develop women's roles in games... as long as she was naked...

Tomb Raider: Lara vs Pythagoras.

There are however a couple of defence items I would like to level in regards to women in video games.  The first being that the very early years I mention gaming was like us men - horrendously simple. Games were about driving fast, beating people up, jumping from platforms and shooting stuff. Pretty much because of the limitation of technology; I didn't play Chase HQ for character development or its twisting, weaving story. It was just some very basic wish fulfillment, aimed mainly at boys because... well come on girls, check out the screenshot below and tell me honestly if it gets the juices flowing?

 Chase HQ. 3 Colours of awesome and STILL the reason I want a Porsche 928

A lot of criticism of the way women are portrayed in games has been approached from an incredibly shortsighted perspective. Often the sensationalist approach to these subjects has completely missed the true shortfall of the situation to focus on the extreme examples. It seems that people are aware of how en vogue it is to be a feminist and try and aim a few kicks into the video game sector where they can.  A truly fantastic example of taking two contentious, thought provoking topics and throwing them together to make online noise is Colin Campbells opinion piece on prominent Gaming website Polygon.   He focuses on the aspect of killing Prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto 5 and misses out the whole point is that you pretty much can kill everyone of any chosen career path, regardless of sex - it really isn't fussy.  Strangely enough, there is never a moment where the game forces you to kill a sex worker, but you do have to blow up the CEO of the Games' parody of Facebook on live television... which is terrible... I was only just thinking the other day about the unfair treatment of Multi-Billionaire Social Media Moguls in games. Erik Kain writing on Forbes decries the absurdity of Campbells piece as well as addressing the sensationalism. On top of this he offers constructive criticism on how GTA 5 could address a number of its shortcomings in this area in a blog well worth reading as a comparative piece.

One of Sarkeesians points is the women that do appear in games are just seemingly tacked on to the end, an award for completing the challenge set before you.  She cites the legendary Super Mario series as a culprit in this.  The Princess is kidnapped and provides the motivation for the entire game as you race from castle to castle to save her.  I also note she has been constructive in her support for Irrational Games 'BioShock: Infinite' about the capabilities of the woman (Elizabeth) who acts as a guide and supports your character as the game progresses.' The games story is simply incredible and it is one of my favourite games of all time, with a large portion of that being accountable to Elizabeth alone. Sarkeesian does seem to miss the fact that before Elizabeth can assist you as the player, you have to save her.  From a tower. Fancy that. 

In all honesty, this is exactly what critics of this subject tend to do.  That is a snapshot of a game that take 15 hours to play through and framed at a certain angle proves my point.  Much like certain clips Sarkeesian shows of games treating women poorly, like Red Dead Redemption; a game set in 1912 in the still very much Wild West where if history tells us anything it probably wasn't much fun - especially if you were a woman.  Very prominent is the image of the anti-hero John Marston carrying a bound woman on horseback but it's never put into context or discussed that one of the female characters (who owns a massive Ranch) saves your life and is a staunch ally when needed throughout the game.

I'm not defending Rockstar and I'm not bashing Sarkeesian, I think she has brought attention and focus on a subject that does need improvement. I'm not sure that everything is quite as bad as it's made out to be and I would question some of her arguments and examples.  That is a good thing though, prompting people to think about a subject that has become more and more relevant as the appeal of video games has broadened.

Just to try and take this full circle, when I started this blog I said that the definition of feminism was one I held to most of my beliefs.  I do believe in equality of the sexes - to a point.  I also think that precious things are worth protecting and it is my (arguably) old fashioned belief that this applies to women.  Wanting to protect and help should have no detriment or bearing on how capable the person is, simply on whether they are deserving of protecting. I fully understand how women's capabilities might be undermined by the tropes on display in certain video games but would hate to think that to supplant them means sacrificing their worth. This should be true of everyone, but especially women.  Little things like holding doors open and giving up your seat for women are important parts of tradition and I would be concerned if the pro feminist movement eroded this.  It is my opinion that women are the fairer sex but by no means should be considered the weaker one.

 

Gotta catch 'em all!

Kept you waiting, huh?

It's been a while since my last blog, so my apologies for not maintaining a steady output.  I had received some incredibly kind and constructive comments that inspired me to write something with a little more narrative.  As such I have been wrestling with a few concepts in regards to telling a proper story - one that seems to flit between masquerading as a screenplay, moonlighting as a graphic novel before flinging open it's closet doors and coming out as full blown novel. 

I have read that there are two kinds of writers out there:  Firstly, the ones who can pour their minds onto paper; their ideas, concepts and imaginations just flow from the mind to the tip of the pen (or finger), ready to be mixed and formulated in a prolific paste, sculpted into coherent form and design. 

Then there is the second type of writer.  One who has to fight to extract every syllable from their imagination and meticulously plan it's positioning on the page before it's place dissolves back into the cluttered space from whence it came.  I have found that I fit very much into the latter category.  I love writing and believe I may have some interesting ideas.  Only conveying them is as easy as peeling a coconut with my eyelids.  I see what I want to achieve in my head but translating it to page is an agonising process. I have been vexed with a little misfortune such as massive chunks not saving and the eternal battle to try and fit 36 hours worth of activity into a regular working day - a problem I know besets everybody at various junctures in life. I'm not complaining, just getting my excuses in order...  

Of course, lack of motivation, willpower and an addiction to Xbox has had nothing to do with my inability to sit down and commit a few hours a week to putting pen to paper. I think we all have aspirations we feel we could and possibly should attain if  not the excuse for not finding more time. I have nothing but admiration for those who can pull themselves out of the malaise and drudgery that surrounds them and focus on an singular aspect to improve upon or commit to.

On my list of 'Stuff to excel at when you can find the time' (which I promise exists only in my head) is the following:

• Fine tune my Bass guitar skills
• Learn to play the Ukele.
• Learn to spell 'Ukulele.'
• Try and make the remaining 958 drinks from my book of 1000 cocktails.
• Speak immaculate Greek. Or German. I really can't decide.
• Voice a Transformer/Thundercat/Ninja Turtle/Any kind of cartoon character
• Become a level 75 Bard... in 'Real Life.'

It would be a little easier if I didn't have the attention span of an ADHD Goldfish (which incidentally don't actually have as poor memories as you might think - Bam! - Knowledge!) 

While looking for a source to back this up (I originally read the truth about Goldfish in a book derived from the excellent TV series IQ) I stumbled on to these two links, which I found slightly ironic considering the topic of poor memory: 

Telegraph 1 - 5 May 2009 

Telegraph 2 - 1 July 2014

Who needs a memory, or indeed recycled news when you have the internet? I think this has also highlighted my ability to get sidetracked rather excellently.  

So I have returned and have promised myself to keep this blog updated more frequently - I shall also endeavour to get this particular narrative that has been swirling about my grey matter for the last few years into a cohesive formulation of words so those who wish to read it can - I am all too aware in peoples faith in me and I have promises to keep! 

Statutory lighthearted Legal disclaimer: The author of this blog is well aware that 'trying to write some stuff' is a world apart from being an actual writer and aplogises for any perceived pretentiousness. 

Hero Worship 2: The Praisening!

The last blog I posted was very much a personal piece of hero worship, laced with the occasional self indulgent attempt and humble effort to conjoin myself into something relevant that people might like to read.

Part two however, is just a more brazen commentary on heroes in general and how they have certainly had a massive effect on me over my lifetime.  I think that the concept of what a hero is would appear to be surfing high on a crest of a wave of popular culture.  The concepts are ancient but the general uniformity of how they are being embraced is still in ascendency.

Fancy words, but what does it actually mean?

I think if I cast my mind back and delve into the murky waters (some would argue, cesspool) of my past - the embracing and emulation of larger than life heroes was at best kept at arms lengths, at worse, frowned upon.  I'm talking predominantly of the 'Super Hero' genre.  It seemed to be okay to want to emulate Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone blowing up Germans/Terrorists/Robots/Aliens but if you wanted to dress up like Spider-man and not kill anyone then you were viewed as a maladjusted child with especially appalling taste in clothes.

Super Hero worship was the realm of geeks and nerds and if I'm brutally honest, I still don't understand why.  I have been pleased to watch that as the past decades have rolled by there has been not just acceptance of this type of hero, but an embracing of it.

Why should I care so much?  Does its acceptance somehow justify a childhood of persecution and hiding the fact you think that the buff men in spandex are really cool?  Well, I suppose it does a little... but it's much deeper than that.  The hero concept is one that has actually guided my through life, something that has inspired me, motivated me to act in a certain way. 

Now I want to draw a line under this point very quickly -  I don't think or see myself as any kind of a hero.  No way, but I have tried to carve out my own path through interpretations of what I have read and seen on page and celluloid and apply them to my behaviour and principles in life.

I think an example is best suited here.  One of the most powerful lines I have ever absorbed was written in Garth Ennis' 'The Preacher.'  This run of comic books is renowned for it's extreme violence, debauched depictions of sexual preferences as well as an incredible satire of modern religious beliefs.  The whole run is powerful, shocking and brutal. Just like real life.  The words are below, spoken to the Hero, Jessie Custer by his dad during a heartfelt moment in a flashback scene.

Thank you Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon!



For years those lines have rattled through my skull and soul and they will be the exact words I tell my little boy when he is old enough to grasp the weight of their meaning.  These words shape Custer and they have shaped me. 

Moments with true impact and resonance are few and far between in any type of media. When they surface, wherever you find them, they should be remembered for times where strength might feel lost and hope is needed. I have also found inspiration through the more classic superhero avenues.  The  Spider-man maxim 'With great power, comes great responsibility' has become somewhat of a cliché these days.  However, it was a motto I grew up with and I believe I understood its complexities at a relatively young age. Another sage piece of advice to pass on.

I found growing up there was escapism and yet a true source of power with these characters.  If you could look deep enough you'd always find connections you could apply in real life.  These characters have helped keep things in perspective for me.  Sure, they aren't real but that doesn't stop their exploits having meaning.  The themes that run throughout are sometimes much clearer to see when set against the background of super heroics. Most people will have particular standout characters that they recognise with more than others.  I know I do.  Trust me, you've not had a bad day until you've read anything that's happened to Matt Murdock (aka Daredevil) in the past 20 years.

Trust me, this is actually doing 'okay' for Daredevil...

The Japanese Manga (comics)  and anime (animation) are another source of hero worship for me. A great part of the most famous and popular examples all have a very similar set of particular themes.  Most notably, the overlying principle that protection is paramount.  Dragonball Z, Naruto, Bleach and even the legendary Fist of the North Star all have characters who marshal their strength and overcome incredible odds for the sake of protecting others.  A basic heroic tenement? Yes. But not nearly as well emphasised in Western culture as it is with the Japanese heroes.  The protection of others is sacred... and that message has been so strong I have found it has permeated my way of thinking too.  So much so I will go to incredible lengths to protect those I care about. This is something I'm very proud to say I try and fulfil - whether I always succeed is a totally different matter.

I am well aware that there is an indulgence in this type of hero worship.  There are 'true' heroes out there, everyday doing things that flabbergast me.  Some genuinely leave me awestruck and similarly make me hope that should I ever find myself in their situations I could act even a modicum of the courage, dignity and decorum as they. A few I find myself tempted to name, such is their effect on me, but that is not the nature of this blog.

It's about finding strength through an unlikely source of inspiration.  People find themselves scared much more frequently than they'd like to admit.  Fear creeps in and if we let it truly take hold and absorb us it can have life altering effects.  Not just on grand scales but in increments too.  We have no idea of the fears faced by people all the time, the strength and courage needed to challenge what the next day has in store for us.  Whether it's a job interview or that next dreaded doctors appointment there is always that fear of uncertainty.  Most people swallow these fears and the rest of us continue oblivious to any pain caused to the souls that are suffering.

I'm not preaching that I'm some sort of fear guru and emulating a few superheroes will enable you to conquer all concerns and live happily ever after.  I have been afraid though.  I have been scared past the boundaries of sense. As Mark Tremonti sings 'So you're afraid.' If you aren't scared once in a while, how is it possible to be brave? Close family and friends are invaluable too, but sometimes that inner strength needs a little internal kick-starting that can only be done by the individual.

I've no doubt that this next confession will split the readers of this blog somewhat:

There have been times, even in adult life, I have found myself facing unhappy, difficult situations and I have genuinely internally asked this question: 

'What would Optimus Prime do?'

Usually the ridiculousness of this question is alone enough to get me through whatever troubles I might be having because the answer is usually that he'd say something wise and awesome like 'Freedom is the right of sentient beings' and then stomp all over the bad guys in a way that pretty much puts every other hero to shame. Ever.  Easy when your a 30ft tall alien robot.  Still, he was always the consummate hero to me and still inspires me when I find myself searching for courage.

Optimus Prime proving that fear isn't an option if you can be wise AND pose awesomely.

Any fanboys reading want to see how this particular fight finished - scroll down.



It's not all just dealing with fear and being strong physically.   Occasionally these heroes provide relationships that unlike many films and books these days, are extremely complicated and rarely have the statutory happy ending that also proves so elusive in reality. Some in particular are so captivating and enchanting that they become similar to modern day fairy tales.  Clark Kent and Lois Lane, Wolverine and Jean Grey, Batman and the Joker (Seriously, google the theory - it makes perfect sense). They encapsulate the trials and tribulations we face daily and it's very rare we get an Eastenders level of baseness applied. There are lasting repercussions and heart wrenching losses but there is again a level on which people can connect.  It's the emotional aspects of Super Heroes that has come on furthest in recent years with the influx of very good Hero filmography.  Motion pictures like Thor and Iron Man have successfully shown romance without it just being boiled down to rescuing a damsel in distress time and time again (The X-Men movies where also excellent at redressing the status quo among the sexes, with some incredibly empowered female characters - and don't get me started on Hit-Girl from Kick Ass!)

Jean Grey and Wolverine... the most tortured, star crossed lovers in recent comic history?



To bring this blog full circle, it is a genuine pleasure to see so many heroes of mine now being accepted and being able to deliver the same messages to a much wider audience. It's a thrill to see no one complaining that Batman runs round looking like an armoured condom... just that Ben Affleck should not be wearing said protection.



This is just one small source that I feel lucky enough to draw inspiration from and would admit that for me this has been a case where looking outward has helped me see inward. I would definitely recommend taking the plunge and emotionally investing yourself in a hero or two.

Thanks again for reading!

In your face!

Hero Worship

They say 'Never meet your heroes'. I'm not particularly sure who 'they' are and what their authority is but I think I understand the gist of the notion:  Ultimately we put our heroes onto pedestals which usually brings us crashing down with disappointment when we finally get to see them for who, and in some cases, what they really are.

I had the privilege of meeting one of my heroes the other day when Neil Gaiman arrived at Ely Cathedral for a signing on his latest book; 'The Ocean at the end of the lane.'  For those of you that know me shall have to decide for themselves whether I'm the kind of person you'd expect to queue up with a thousand other fans at a fantasy writers book signing in the most famous religious building in the fens.  Even I find my presence in that statement a little incongruent.

Firstly, the book he was promoting was excellent. A couple of you have contacted me about my 'Twilight my fire' blog and mentioned a few books in related topics and I must confess that I was somewhat pleased with this. With the unrelenting technological advance of smartphones, online gaming and televisions with greater IQ's than the people who buy them I was starting to fear for the humble book. It turns out that that fear might be misplaced. There are more of us out there than I anticipated reading much more than just Faceboast updates.

So, I would recommend Gaimans latest novel, it is magical, simple yet deep and can be enjoyed on many levels, all the while brimming with imagination and energy.

Gaiman had entranced me years ago with the Sandman graphic novels, changing my concepts of what comics could be. They could be adult, bewitching and frightening and where other publications' duels were fought with fists and superpowers, the battles within the pages of Sandman were decided with wit, intelligence and slightly more abstract conflicts and concepts.

All this had me worried; this man had captured my imagination, the very way I saw life in literature - through an odd, fantastic kaleidoscope where real life, the arcane and subversive are interwoven. What if he turned out to be a grumpy bastard just churning out literature to pay his way? I believe current terminology would call this cynical process as 'doing a Bruce Willis.' What if he wasn't the man I'd always hoped had fueled my imagination and inspired my wholly non-committed attempts at trying to emulate?

As it would turn out, I needn't have worried, he was as genuine and charming as his writing. Funny, wistful and perhaps a touch melancholic. Hearing him speak and read a passage of his book was an absolute pleasure so I decided, in my own egotistical way to make sure when I took my things to get get his autograph, I would make him smile and say something to him he'd never heard at one of his signings. Something so profound, witty and astute that he would think back in days to come about 'that chap at the Cathedral' and just smile to himself and nod, probably thinking about my badass coolness.

Apart from it didn't work like that. The poor man was inundated with requests not just to sign his book but to write whole quotes of Shakespeare for some people... Three and a half hours from when his talk finished, at 00.30 we came face to face. I had three and a half hours to think of something amazing to blow Neil Gaimans beautifully odd mind with ultimate, triple distilled awesome. What did I say? Did I make a joke about how there was much more sex and violence in the queue at the last Alan Moore book signing? Did I try and reference a more obscure line from a lesser read title of his and just try and style out our conversation with casual aplomb, one weird guy to another. Nope. I said, 'Thank you very much. Do you mind if I take a photograph?

Badass coolness, eh?

As I walked, no, shuffled up to him it actually struck me. I think if I could choose a fantasy career, it would be his.  I've always wanted to write. I am just one of the many millions that keeps finding the time not to. I have lost count of the number of people that have told me I should be a writer, or just looked at me in that strange way, where they want to ask what on earth put such odd and misshapen ideas into my head but are just too polite to actually verbalise it.

Standing in front of Neil Gaiman, I have never felt more like a fake Neil Gaiman in my life.  Even down to the long hair.

                                       Never meet your heroes... you just might not measure up.

But... this blog doesn't end on that depressing note. Gaimans talk was actually very inspiring, even from his own humble viewpoint you could tell he had pushed to get where he has. Pushed himself and maybe a few other people too.  After leaving the Cathedral that warm evening I felt elated to have met him, to be reminded of what is possible if you are driven and willing to pursue your dreams. I was also reminded of the power of books, too, and have been encouraged to turn off technology a little bit more often these days and lose myself in the worlds between pages.

Someone pointed me not so long ago towards this lovely quote by Alan Bennett.  I think it is rather relevant to the whole topic of inspiration through books, authors and the connection it can create.

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out and taken your hand."

I had wanted to ask Neil Gaiman if he had read 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho. This was another inspirational book I have read recently (25 years late to the party), it seemed to fit in with my perceived dichotomy I was experiencing between achieving ones destiny and just forgetting you might even have one. I have been recommending The Alchemist to anyone and everyone that will listen to me and has this has completed the cycle of me falling in love with books and being inspired by the written word again. The Alchemist is a modern day fable about having the courage and conviction to follow your dreams and is a wonderfully motivating read for anyone who has ever questioned their direction and focus in life. Finishing this book and meeting Neil Gaiman made me feel very much the same way.

So in true regards to meeting your heroes, I actually found the experience exciting, inspiring and even would go so far as saying it was spiritually rewarding. So, if you get the chance - meet and embrace the people that inspire you... or read the Alchemist - there's less worry about that restraining order.